Blue, I can’t breath…
“I have been trying to breathe for a long time but I can’t, Yoga, breathing exercise, the nice climate, the sea, the wonderful food, and lovely people … all are not helping… I am chocking all the time.
Can you please help me ?” I say.
And he goes on saying: “you can force air into your lungs but you can’t force breath into you. no matter how much you try,
Unless you release yourself .. resolve it”
Off I travel back (or forward) in time, back home where the noise of warmth overwhelms you… and suddenly, I hear her slamming her door, taking the elevator down, and there she is standing by the TV in the living room..with her graceful merciful face she stands right there .. and silence follows.
I kneel by her knees soaking my face with tears saying: how could you die? who gave you the right to die?
I see her old worn-out hands and the golden ring that became too big as her fingers shrank.
And she goes on: “it’s ok, let it out… but you know, I am ok.. don’t worry about me… if you should worry about someone then it’s you…”
And towards the clouds she heads, taking away my peace and leaving me surrounded by my black and grey sorrows…
Having learned to follow in my red day, I do follow her little lead taking me miles and miles away to the dark borrowed home where some things are still frozen in time.. and where the sound of unfulfilled wish for playing the guitar is terribly mixed with the sound of “cheers” when one beer glass touches the other…
I no longer get bothered as my presence and my absence are no longer noticed… and I go on searching for something I left but can’t remember what.
Having known the beauty of Madeira’s flowers, I went on smelling all the flowers I saw with hope one of them carries a smell from home.. no surprise that the only flower that had a smell was the Jasmine, right outside my hotel room and in the dark borrowed home in between the pages of the poem written by the Damascene poet Nizar Qabbani…
And off I spread my wings to were things, all things, had started, and I let myself go, I release myself from the heavy ring I had around my neck that blocked my airways …
Naturally, the air flows to my lungs, and I hear the sound of my little struggling breath coming back slowly.
