I was socialised as a woman!
Watching the latest video released by the United state of women and listening to the strong inspiring women speaking in it, somehow reminded me with how far the gap is between some women (and I am not going to say some cultures), the work to achieve higher levels on women’s right has been tremendous, yet the path is way much longer and harder than what the Video makes it feel and look.
This Video refreshed my conversation with my newly found strong and beautiful German friend when she said to me “I doubted myself, can I do it? you know I was socialized as a woman !!” .. A little light bulb lit in my brain at that time carrying the question across the different cultures and individuals I met.
Being born as a female is not the same as “socialised as a woman”, and being personally a drifter from a traditional conservative society, so when I landed in more advanced “women rights” countries I was a bit surprised with the similarity of sometimes how women are been brought up as second-level members of society, or how they were fed with doubts, lack of confidence and self-respect across the different cultures, or even when the expectations on women differed across the cultures they were of a similar weight and martyrdom nature and constant struggle to prove themselves.
Hereby I am recollecting some of my own experiences and some statements I heard from women and men, friends and strangers across different cultures trying to answer the question: What does “socialised as a woman” mean?
Unless indicated, all the statements are made by educated individuals -university graduates- across the Middle East and European countries, they are not from Stone Age but made in the past 10 years, they, of course, represent the individuals’ opinions or experiences, however, they shed a light on how being a woman is perceived, judged and dealt with on both ends of women’s right path.
WARNING: some of the statements can trigger feelings of anger, grudge or frustration, or thoughts of disbelief and doubts, but please keep in mind that the gap is too wide as while some women are controversially debating their right for free bleeding others are terribly confused and think they are dying by “bleeding to death” when they get their first period.
The intention here is to raise further awareness to women’s situation across the cultures, and particularly ask the women themselves to accept who they truly are, not be ashamed of it, rise and be proud…
Feel free to share and comment on this post with similar real-life statements or experiences to increase the awareness…
Statements by Men:
Powerful Lithuanian man repeatedly: “Women are stupid”.
“Did she promise you sex so you believe her ?” German man to a policeman when his Lithuanian girlfriend reported him for domestic violence.
“My “yes” for sex with you was stronger than your “no” !!!” a Lithuanian man justifying a date rape.
Syrian man: “I feel pity for women, they just lay on the bed waiting for the man to penetrate & come “.
A Lebanese man finishing a joke “… he looked at her with big surprise saying: you are menstruating and yet you argue with me ?”…
Lebanese man: “Why buy a convertible ? everyone will think its more expensive than it is and will wonder “who”bought it for you ? no one will believe you can afford it…or they might even think you are committing fraud at the company you work for” and the word “who”indicates a rich man getting sex in exchange of the convertible.
“Let me walk you to the ladies toilets, I don’t want anyone to harass you along the way” A man to his wife in a park in Sweden, toilets are visible from where they were sitting and are a minute walk.
Syrian man to his girlfriend “you are a strong woman, and on top of that you travel for work almost once a month… men might admire you but none would want to be in a relationship with you”
A mix of nationalities: “You are a woman, of course, he passed you the driving test from the first time”.
Statements by Women:
Syrian woman: “Maybe we don’t really belong together, but we have been dating for few years.. what shall I say to my family, cousins and neighbours if we break up ?” knowing that dating does not involve sex & losing virginity which is a taboo in this culture.
Lithuanian woman: “I was brought up that I have to look nice and fresh every day for him even before he wakes up; I was waking up early, washing & styling my hair then lay back on the bed, spread my hair on the pillow so that when he wakes up he sees me beautiful and fresh, my mom did that for my dad for many years” knowing that her dad cheated on her mom many times.
German woman: “I have been kind of doing this work for about 6 months, and when they offered the position to me, I doubted myself as women do, can I do it, do I totally and fully know it ?”
Syrian woman working for a Swedish company saying – with tears-: “My boss is vocal about his irritation of me going on maternity leave”.
Swedish women: “when the new French management took over, there was not one single woman in a management position”.
Swedish woman “You are a new immigrant, and he is a diplomat, for your own sake you may want to rethink about reporting this to the police” in hesitation to report domestic violence to Swedish police.
Portuguese woman: “Its mostly the same thing here, sex is for the man, women just get babies”.
German/Swedish women: ” I am expected to be perfect, a top career woman, best mom, best looking for my man”.
Swedish woman: “why should I accept my date to open the door for me, pull my chair when I can prove that I can do it ?” … why the constant need to prove, is a question I didn’t get an answer for.
Common statements by Men & Women, educated and non-educated:
“women are a concern, a worry for the family”.
“nothing shames the man, anything shames the woman”.
“why educate the woman? she will frame the certificate in the kitchen and look at it while cleaning and cooking for her man and kids”.
